If I had the things you have, believe me, I wouldn’t have to bother you and you won’t be able to say shit about me if I screw up.
But I don’t, so I’m fucking sorry.
I would not expect you to understand and I would warn you to go read something else if you know your time is precious.
I find out about this really cool party and I tell my friends about it and invite them to come with but they’re like, “Yeah. Okay. Cool.”
I get to the party first and I don’t know anyone, maybe a few people, but everyone’s pretty much a stranger. I mean, everyone seems cool and all but I’d prefer if I had my friends over.
I spend a few hours breaking the ice, trying to get to know anyone who seems interesting while still trying to get my friends to join me.
I begin to slowly get the feel of things, proving myself worthy of the invitation. I’m wasting no time as I go around mingling and sharing my thoughts with everyone. I start to understand why people are raving about this party and it won’t be long before I would become part of it all.
This would go on for hours and I would lose track of time.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, my friends show up at the door and somehow I don’t seem as excited anymore. They tell me, “Hey, we’re here!!!” with all the childish enthusiasm they could muster and I’m like, “Yeah. Okay. Cool.”
They would quickly find their way around, faces lit up like it’s the coolest thing ever. I’d tell them, “Well it’s about damn time!” but at that point, I’m almost always on my way out the door.
At times I would stay and enjoy the rest of it. But when they start to really get under my skin, I never find it difficult to leave.
And I’m still asking myself if you’re just pretending you do not remember or you simply do not care.
The latter is worse.
Because that means you simply do not care about our friendship and the people connected by it.
Now it’s awkward. I can’t force myself to like you anymore. Believe me, I tried. I did my best to forget what happened but I couldn’t.
What pisses me off to this day is knowing that you do not seem to understand that what you did was wrong. Way out of line! It would be pointless to expect that you comprehend the gravity of your actions if you are that clueless.
So if this comes out in the open, do not tell me I turned my back on you. Dude, you fucking pushed me away.
Look at me ranting about this again. Pathetic, yes. But I’d rather sound off this way than be upfront about it. Because (1) it would put a dent on your precious relationship with her and you wouldn’t really want that now, would you? (2) uh, our friendship has since been put on hold so I don’t know if that still counts as a reason (3) you would realize that we could have broken up over what you did, but we didn’t, because I’m honest; it just sucks that your friendship with her has since been tainted, too (4) you are not going to like the way I plan to make you realize your mistake, not one tiny bit (5) you would not be able to come up with an excuse, let alone a justification of your actions because no matter which way I look at it, your ignorant intentions are all demented in nature (6) it is going to hurt like hell.
See, the thing is, they want you in. Not surprisingly, I do not want to have to deal with you anymore. But I have to make a decision.
What a pickle!
Forgiveness? Yeah, maybe I’m a little too condescending for that right now because, honestly, I’m dying to see you own up to what you did first.
Maybe then I’ll quit ranting about this.
As for our friendship, yeah, I don’t see how that is ever going to work out again.
Napataas lang kilay ko.
Naalala ko lahat ng stress na dinulot nila sa girlfriend ko.